Young and beautiful, old and transparent




Have you ever wondered what is the only thing you carry with you all life long, which you do not actually know? Well, that is your body. It is always with you. Yet, sometimes, especially when going to the practitioners if you feel unease or pain, you might not even know how to describe this pain, where to locate it... and that goes for parts of your body going from the top to the bottom, from the outside to the inside. 


I always felt ashamed. When I was young, I had a woman-like body pretty soon. Men stares were disgusting. Now I am not even looked at, as if I was transparent in the middle of crowds. Is that it? Young and beautiful; old and transparent? Of course, the more I liked someone the more I was ashamed of my body, me naked, all the flaws. But does it has to be like this: find acceptance through the eye of an-other? 


At 25 I really started to question myself. I did some classes before and (thought) I was pretty aware, conscious, curious. Then I actually discovered that the female orgasm was always induced by the clitoris: why did not I know that? Of course, I still never had one, but that is not a sufficient reason. Knowledge is power. Acceptance has to come from within. 

I noticed that I did not even walk straight, chest forward, head up. No. I look down, I hide. How am I supposed to become a leader one day like that? Sometimes I wished I had a mentor, someone to guide me through the path, to accompany me. 


Yet, I am alone. With my body, with my shadow, with my spirit, with my aura, with my consciousness. I do hope that one day that the unstoppable train of questions in my head will disappear and that I.will.just.be. Plenty.

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